Bullies are everywhere it can be at work or at school, but they all have one thing in common. They are all trying to make up for some shortcoming of their own.
Bullying does not only occur to children even adults are bullied.
What bullies really want is power and control over you because they lack it in some part of their life.
What you need to know is that bullying is not at all about you, you are not the one with the problem, and in fact your life is good that is why the bully is bullying you. So you should never take it personally.
What happens to the bullies and the victim of bullies when they become adults?
A study was done and presented at the Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association and the following was discovered.
1. Bullies– The study showed that bullies were at a higher risk of depression, substance abuse, anxiety, hostility and struggling with social relationships.
2. Bullied victims – The study also showed that victims of bullying had a high risk of increased suicide, low self-esteem, depression, physical health problems and reduced academic achievement. Another study also showed that bullied victims had an increased likelihood of having been diagnosed with a serious illness, psychiatric disorder, slow recovery from illness, regular smoking and struggling with social relationships.
3. Those who never went through bullying or never bullied – Another study carried out in the University of Warwick showed that those who never bullied or were never bullied became more successful compared to the others.
In General the bullied children grew up to be more successful than the kids that bullied them but they still did worse if compared to those who were not bullied or did not bully at all.
How to take care of bullies
This Applies To Both Children and Adults.
1. Assess the situation.
First you need to understand what is happening. Why is the person aggressive? Does he/she have a bad attitude towards everyone? Are you giving this person any power? Are you being too delicate or sensitive?
2. Understand the type of bully.
There are different types of bullies. There bullies who attack verbally, physically, play mind games and Gossipers. Bullies who attack physically like to punch, hit or kick and they will do it without any reluctance. Bullies who attack verbally are usually name callers and they can easily destroy your self-esteem. Bullies who play mind games mostly pretend to be your friends pick any information from you then make fun of you in front of others without any warning they can easily destroy your trust. Finally there are Gossipers/backstabbers who you think they are your friends who spread rumors about you, they can also destroy your trust.
3. Stop Being The Victim.
You can stop being a victim by showing minimal reactions. Do not show the bully that you feel hurt and that they have succeeded in affecting you. When the situation comes just walk as if you did not mind it.
If you allow yourself to be a victim you will be giving the bully more power hence making your life more difficult. You can stop being a victim by out smarting them and making a stand by doing the following;
- When the bully says something rude, pretend that you didn’t hear anything.
- If you did something embarrassing, you need to keep your cool not to give that person any reason to bully you.
- If the bully is sarcastic, fake some compliments, and thank them.
- If that person is trying to make jokes laugh along with them.
It is also good to notice that this tactic may sometimes backfire depending on the type of bully. If the person bullying you is acting irrational/crazy it is best to walk away with your self-esteem/dignity. If the bullying continues then stand for yourself.
4. Stand Up For Your Self.
If your bully keeps pushing you despite of your efforts then you need to take a stand. If there is something that bullies hate is someone that takes a stand for themselves.
For this to be effective you need to again understand the type of bully that you are dealing with. If it is a Bully that likes to embarrass you in front of others then it is best to confront them privately.
If the bully is violent and he/she attacks violently or even verbally you will need to get some help. Get your friends who will support you when it comes to confronting the bully.
It is also importance to know that before you confront the bully you need to have a plan. Know what you want to say so that it can relieve you of the anxiety and give you confidence. You should also avoid getting emotional this will just make the situation even worse. Lastly be specific and straight forward to the point in what you want to say, like for example tell them what they are doing is not okay.
6. Record The Situation.
If you have tried to stop being the victim and you have stood for yourself and it still did not work then you need to start noting down what happens when this person is around. Make sure you have detailed information of what the person says and does. This will be very helpful if things turn for the worst.
7. Find someone who can help.
When things get out of hand then it is the time to actually find someone who can help you. Do not let your ego get on the way, because your life is in the line and the bully is actually making sure that your life becomes a misery even as an adult. So find a person that can help you even get the authority if possible and get a restraining order.
8. Move on/away.
If you have tried everything including, avoid being the victim, standing for yourself and telling someone that can help you, then you need to get away. If you are a student find another school if you are an adult take your skills elsewhere. This does not mean that you have given up, there is no point to prove if you stay you will only be damaging your physical, emotional and mental health plus your life is more important. You are basically taking care of yourself.
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